Weekend Recap

Mr. Scruffy is amazing.  Not only did he help me mix down some spots while I was out of office last Friday, he got the music on my computer moved and working again with my iPod!

He also made another round of BBQ sauce, made some killer tacos for dinner, and has been working hard on the truck to get her going again.

He just has it going on.  Love the guy.

Honestly I feel like I didn’t really do a heck of a lot this weekend.  Nothing productive mind you, except for prepping some lunch and breakfast to grab and go for work.  (Yeah Mason Jar Salads and yogurt!)  Not sure I could handle another food coma at work this week.  I’m sure part of that eating and immediately wanting to nap afterwards has more to do with the crap I’m putting in my body than actually being tired.  So, salads, fruits and veggies…things I should be eating more of.

You’d think health and wellness would  be more of a no brainer and easy to manage, but it’s the equivalent to moving mountains for me.  I do good for a few days, then the ravenous Druid lady breaks free and wants to gobble up everything in sight.  And sleep afterwards.  🙂

Change my Chiropractor appointments (again) to Saturday mornings.  Still every other week.  Slowly and surely we’re getting somewhere.  The inflamation has come down so much that I can finally turn my head with very little pain.  The muscles are still tight as hell up there, but they’re not screaming or stopping all together when I turn my head and it’s been several months since I last lost any feeling in the nerves.  Progress!  After 8 months of this, it really is a relief.  It’s a little thing to be able to move or pop my neck, but every time it’s adjusted, it’s like I won the lottery.  It’s a great feeling.

Sunday we made a BBQ sauce drop off run for some friends.  In exchange for the BBQ sauce, we came home with three bags of produce from their garden.  Someone please tell me what I’m going to do with three bags of Zucchini and Squash.  Help!  Someone help me eat all this or figure out what to cook with all of it.  All I can think of is trying to find my veggie lasagna with eggplant, squash, and zucchini, but aside from that…I’m lost.

So if anyone has any great recipes, send them my way. 🙂  Thanks!

Poetry Corner: An Important WIP

Disclaimer: This might be a heavier read than what I usually post on Fridays.  Sorry about that, but I felt some lyrics that have been in my head lately needed a bit of an explanation as to why I’m posting them now, and not waiting until I’ve written all of it.

I’ve been trying to accurately put my feelings in to words about the struggles of depression.  For me, there are some days that are great and amazing and I can conquer anything that life throws at me.  But the next day, getting out of bed feels like I’m staring down a Mythic Level Raid boss wearing broken armor with no mana and no weapons any where in sight to equip.  Like every step I take feels like I’m slowly drowning and sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean.  

And the worse part is never knowing which day it’s going to be when you open your eyes each morning.

Since the fight is different for everyone, it’s been a little difficult for me to express.  It’s a matter that requires more thought and tact than what I want to scream to the world most days.  Which really boils down to “It sucks it sucks it sucks, oh god why does this suck so badly?”

But the last month has been so tough for so many close to our family here.  Friends of friends leaving them too soon.  Even this week, my friend’s wife/partner felt she couldn’t outrun her demons and we’re left asking those questions of “Why?” “How?”  And of course blaming ourselves for not have noticing like we should have.

I’ve said it countless times on Twitter and I will keep saying it, because sometimes even I need to hear it aloud to remind me to keep fighting.  There is hope.  Things can and will get better.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help, because there are so many people that want you to win that fight against whatever nightmares you’re facing.  You matter.  So please…stay here.

With that out there…I’ve been working on Lyrics again and this has been floating around in my head for awhile now.  My initial thought process was thinking about my point of view on those rough days where some times, I have to keep telling myself to get through this moment, through this day.  Just do this one thing before you begin to think about the next.  That was what I was thinking about when I wrote this chorus.  

There is more that I want to tell when I finish it, but for now, I just wanted to share it with you.  Hopefully, I’ll finish it soon and be able to share the full thing.

One more Day

Chorus:
“One more day,” she whispers
“Just one more day.”
So softly that what once was a war cry
Sounds more like a prayer.
She’s tired and broken
And feels like she’s slowly losing the fight
“One more day” she tells herself,
“Just one more day.”

Out of Gas

Not sure what I did to over extend myself, but man.  All weekend I was pretty convinced I could go to bed by 5 o’clock and sleep until the next day.

The reality was that if I did that, I’d be up by Midnight, so of course I couldn’t do that.

But it seems to be carrying over into the week.  Even yesterday, 4pm seemed like a good time for a snooze fest.

Who’s with me?

Not a Party Girl

With my birthday coming up next week, the barrage of inquiries have started.  “What should we do for your big day?”  “Where are we eating?”  “What do you want?”  etc.

These quickly get replaced by “suggestions” of things to do, eat, etc.

And those quickly get replaced by massive amounts of exasperation over what I really want to do and my less than receptive acceptance of all the “suggestions” I’ve been given.

Sure, I bet that all sounds a little petty, but trying to make a big to-do over my birthday doesn’t really make me super excited or happy.  Because at the end of the day, when it’s all over, I’m usually sent on a guilt trip for doing anything at all.  And no matter what I pick, it isn’t really for me in the first place.

Getting a bunch of suggestions saying “We should go bowling for your birthday” or “Let’s play Mini Golf for you birthday!”  It sounds fun, but I know my dad has a bad back and always hurts after bowling.  Besides, if I go bowling, I want to do more than one game.  And no one wants to go into the arcade.  And after activities like these, it’s a lot of “That was so expensive.  Geez,” moments.

When it comes to dinner, it’s similar.  Let’s recommend all these fancy restaurants that cost a whole bunch that you would never go to in the first place, then complain about it afterwards if you do go.  I’m not really interested in the food at those places.  They’re all choices that others would rather go to and usually do frequent.  But if I suggest a place I’d like to go, I get chastised for it being a place I can always go to.  Isn’t that the point though?  It’s supposed to be my choice?  Regardless if I go there on my own?

Heck, even my choice of cake was ridiculed when I was asked what type of cake I’d like.  (Ice-cream cake over regular cake, because I don’t really like frosting, but chocolate with minimal frosting is good too.)

For the record, what I did decide to do this weekend has me pretty thrilled.  Cooking out with the family and playing Cards Against Humanity while having a few beers before band practice.

Give me great conversation, music, and fun at home rather than an extravagant outing any day.

Motherly Roadtrips

My mom has been wanting to road trip down to see the Pioneer Woman Mercantile Deli and Shop for the last month.  While I’m not a giant fan of the food, I am in love with the cookware, so I was going to be mom’s road trip buddy down there.

Our schedules though haven’t been matching up lately.

But we finally got to make the trip last week.  Yeah.  While I was hammered with Allergies from hell.  I was really not the best road trip buddy at all.  I was moody and miserable, stuffed up and all around just shitty to be around.

The trip down was pretty quick and beautiful for a 2 hour drive.  The building is amazing.  (I have a deep appreciation for architecture and old buildings.)  Mom loved the food and we only had to wait half an hour to get in, so that was nice.

And I surprised her with getting her mother’s day gift while we were there and having them wrap it.  She was a little obsessed with the wrapping and didn’t want to open it.  Had I been thinking clearly, I would have had them wrap an empty box for me so she could keep it.  (Mom loves roses, so you can understand why she was in love with the package.)

Any way, even though I felt awful and was a bit of a brat, it was a pretty great trip.  She loved her gift and we have some fun memories there.

Happy Mother’s day everyone, from Mama Scruffy and I!

Excellent Timing

It’s a wonderful time to discover you’re out of allergy meds when you wake up and find yourself suffering from allergies.

While I’m really happy to be back home in Kansas, I miss that I rarely dealt with the allergy mess in New York.  I had hoped that I was going to make it through the season without it hitting me, but bah.  No dice.

Hopefully this all passes quickly because the snorting with the stuffy nose on stream, while comical, kind of hurts.  🙂

Who else gets hit with the allergies from hell?  What do you do to combat the sore throat and massive sinus pressure?  I feel like I’m in a fog right now and would love any tips you have!

PS-Thank you so much for such an amazing response so far to my birthday giveaway!  ❤

My Legs

Are on fire.

Okay, I fell behind a bit on my fitness stuff.  March was a bit all over the place on so many different levels.

The last few days though, I have wanted nothing more than to be on my bike, outside, and taking a ride.  Sadly, it has been raining for most of that time as well.

Yesterday it was pouring on the way in to town.  It let up about halfway through my shift at the station which made me decide that if I could get the bike out of the garage and it was still just a light rain, I would get myself a short ride in.  So of course on the way home, it started raining harder and dropped about 10 more degrees.

So I went to Wal-Mart, bought Moana, came home and popped it in after changing in to some work out clothes and knocked out the Night’s Watch workout I talked about doing earlier in March.  Got in a few rounds and then did some bicep curls while watching Moana.

Doesn’t seem like a lot, but the lunges and squats were killing me by the end of raid last night.  And the happy mood I was in afterwards, whether that was from a Disney Movie or the Workout, I’ll take it any day of the week.