Out of Gas

Not sure what I did to over extend myself, but man.  All weekend I was pretty convinced I could go to bed by 5 o’clock and sleep until the next day.

The reality was that if I did that, I’d be up by Midnight, so of course I couldn’t do that.

But it seems to be carrying over into the week.  Even yesterday, 4pm seemed like a good time for a snooze fest.

Who’s with me?

Not a Party Girl

With my birthday coming up next week, the barrage of inquiries have started.  “What should we do for your big day?”  “Where are we eating?”  “What do you want?”  etc.

These quickly get replaced by “suggestions” of things to do, eat, etc.

And those quickly get replaced by massive amounts of exasperation over what I really want to do and my less than receptive acceptance of all the “suggestions” I’ve been given.

Sure, I bet that all sounds a little petty, but trying to make a big to-do over my birthday doesn’t really make me super excited or happy.  Because at the end of the day, when it’s all over, I’m usually sent on a guilt trip for doing anything at all.  And no matter what I pick, it isn’t really for me in the first place.

Getting a bunch of suggestions saying “We should go bowling for your birthday” or “Let’s play Mini Golf for you birthday!”  It sounds fun, but I know my dad has a bad back and always hurts after bowling.  Besides, if I go bowling, I want to do more than one game.  And no one wants to go into the arcade.  And after activities like these, it’s a lot of “That was so expensive.  Geez,” moments.

When it comes to dinner, it’s similar.  Let’s recommend all these fancy restaurants that cost a whole bunch that you would never go to in the first place, then complain about it afterwards if you do go.  I’m not really interested in the food at those places.  They’re all choices that others would rather go to and usually do frequent.  But if I suggest a place I’d like to go, I get chastised for it being a place I can always go to.  Isn’t that the point though?  It’s supposed to be my choice?  Regardless if I go there on my own?

Heck, even my choice of cake was ridiculed when I was asked what type of cake I’d like.  (Ice-cream cake over regular cake, because I don’t really like frosting, but chocolate with minimal frosting is good too.)

For the record, what I did decide to do this weekend has me pretty thrilled.  Cooking out with the family and playing Cards Against Humanity while having a few beers before band practice.

Give me great conversation, music, and fun at home rather than an extravagant outing any day.

Excellent Timing

It’s a wonderful time to discover you’re out of allergy meds when you wake up and find yourself suffering from allergies.

While I’m really happy to be back home in Kansas, I miss that I rarely dealt with the allergy mess in New York.  I had hoped that I was going to make it through the season without it hitting me, but bah.  No dice.

Hopefully this all passes quickly because the snorting with the stuffy nose on stream, while comical, kind of hurts.  🙂

Who else gets hit with the allergies from hell?  What do you do to combat the sore throat and massive sinus pressure?  I feel like I’m in a fog right now and would love any tips you have!

PS-Thank you so much for such an amazing response so far to my birthday giveaway!  ❤

Poetry Corner: State of the Future

State of the Future

Some people just ant to watch the world burn,
But not all.
Most people just want to make it through another day,
To live and let live.
To make the most of what they have.
Some people want to make the world a better place
To leave it better than they found it,
To preserve what could be lost
And change outdated practices so they’re gone for good.
Some people think the world is a better place now
As it works out in favor of their own benefit,
They want to leave outdated practices they don’t use
And use up resources we’ll eventually run out of.

Most people want a change.
Some people want a revolution.
We all need a revelation,
An understanding,
That we are all in this together,
For better,
Or worse.
Together, better is a possibility.
But against each other,
A better, bright future is just a dream.

How to Deal

It’s kind of funny.  My body deals with chronic neck and back pain for the last three months and while it makes some things go in to overdrive on how it handles it, it’s still livable.

Have lady bits that don’t function like they’re supposed to and no one knows why and despite it being a giant inconvenience, it’s still livable.

Get a sinus infection and the flu on top of each other, I have a massive melt down.  How do I care for myself?  How do I function?  How do I leave the bathroom?  What do I do?!  How do I describe what’s happening?!  Don’t touch me.  Just hug me.  ARGH.

Yeah.  That’s been my life since last Thursday.  Absolutely miserable here and still feel like I’m barely functioning.

Don’t worry, I’m drinking lots of fluids now.  Promise.

Scruffy After Hours

I have a laundry list of things that keep me up at night.  I think we all do.  Anywhere from thinking up the best comeback lines ever from the that awkward lunch brunch two weekends ago to going through all the things I might not have gotten done that day.

Here’s the latest.


Banksy Art.  Ironically one of my clients posted it and sent it over to me when we were talking about dream chasing.

When exactly do you start to buy in to the whole mindset of “Work First, chase dreams later?”

Why is it so hard to believe you can do both?

What if careers and dreams are the same?  Or so closely related that you are already doing both.  Isn’t that something?

This week’s late night deep questions that won’t let me sleep were provoked by a bit of a fight had this last week over my desire to learn photography.

That notion has always been in the back of my head, but the crippling thought of “What if I’m really bad at this?” has always been there too.  And let’s face it, good cameras are really expensive.  It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to realize that if you spend all the money on a good camera and you don’t even end up liking the act of taking photos, you’ve wasted your money.

That’s not something I wanted to do so I’m currently borrowing my parent’s Nikon, taking loads of terrible photos, getting tips and crash courses from my actual photographer friends, taking loads more photos that are less terrible, and scouring Pinterest for tips, tricks, and walk throughs on cameras.

We’ve also spent a lot of time talking about cameras I am interested in and putting together lists of what I’m looking for in a camera, what cameras meet that criteria, and then actually fooling around with them so I have a better idea what to buy and will like when I decide to pull the trigger.

In my head that’s called research.  Most people should do that before making any investment that’s going to eat a full paycheck or some savings.  (Homes, Vehicles, electronics, and expensive toys should all fall in this category.)

I’m no where near ready to make that purchase, but at least I know what I want.

The fight came because it’s assumed I’m going to go blow a bunch of money on this right now.  I made it past Black Friday when there were some sweet deals, I think I can wait longer and continue to pay down more bills.

Now while I can see how photography and a really nice entry level or step higher DSLR camera (Santa please bring me a Canon Rebel?  Thanks!) can easily find a place within the things I already do  (Blogging, Radio, some videography, other creative things) it is indeed more money than I can afford at this moment.  But it doesn’t mean I can’t do my homework and put together a list of things it can be used for to make sure I will get my money’s worth instead of just having a new toy to play with for a possible hobby.

Yet somehow my family sees this as spending money right this moment.

It got me thinking, if you have the time, the money, why not invest in your dreams?  Why do we put ourselves on the back burner so much?

Better question.  Why is that just accepted as the way things have to be?

I’m not suggesting ditch work and go travel or chase your dream.  I am however, honestly curious how we get sucked in to following the formula below:

“I will do X after Y.”

X is your own dream or goal.  Here’s a few common examples: Take that trip I’ve been dreaming of, write a book, start my own business, learn a language.

Y is the goal you have to meet: saved a certain amount of money, after I retire, once I’ve planned for the future, when I have time.  The list goes on and on.

Here’s the thing.  You never reach Y.  There will always be excuses that the goal you set for Y isn’t attained.

“I have some savings, but I need more so something doesn’t happen.”  It’s kind of funny how that set dollar amount will continually grow.

“I retired, but there’s things to do around the house, and I have to do…”

“I’ve planned for the future, but I didn’t budget in the right now, so I have to build that in…”

“I have time this weekend but…”

No.  Stop it.  Stop it right now.

Why not make time?

Why not do both?

Why are you holding yourself back?

When did we go from kids that believe we can do anything and everything, to “I’ll do it someday”?

I’m not saying it’s easy to do both.  Actually, it’s pretty fecking tough.  I’ve watched several people start their own businesses to chase their dreams while working full time in corporate jobs, being full time parents, etc.  I’m even going through it to some degree and it’s rough, but we’re managing.  And seeing things take shape?  It’s pretty neat.

If you keep putting your dreams on hold, you’re going to wake up one day and wonder what happened to all that time you had.

In the words of Varrick from Legend of Korra, “Zhu Li, do the thing!”

Do the thing.  Make some time for the thing.  Get better at the thing.  Push yourself.  Don’t  keep your dreams on the back burner.  Look at the stove.  There are two front burners.  Buckle down and light both of those puppies up and go for it!

More words about doing the thing?  Look below.  And keep your head up.

“Do your thing. Do it unapologetically.  Don’t be discouraged by criticism.  You probably already know what they’re going to say.  Pay no mind to the fear of failure. It’s far more valuable than success.  Take ownership, take changes, and have fun.  And no matter what, don’t ever stop doing your thing.”  -Asher Roth