“She reminds me of you
But she sells it.”
That feels like an insult.
What exactly are you trying to say?
It’s okay to be myself
If I do it for show?
Only to sell a business?
Or an idea?
Am I not able to express
Interest in my passions
Unless I’m getting paid?
Or is she faking her own interests
Just for a profit?
Is one of us right
And the other wrong?
Do you wish I was her?
Or her me?
Instead of leaving me with these never ending questions.
Or a desperate need to prove my worth
And justify my existence.
I’m a few sizes too big?
Maybe she’s a few sizes too small.
Or Maybe there is a better way to judge a woman’s worth.
By her mettle.
By her character.
By her heart.
Instead of putting us all against each other’s waist size.
It’s uncanny to think I’m less of a person
Because I’m a little bit more.
I have definitely been through a range of emotions this week. Our little family felt like we took a pretty low blow early on this week, I got kicked around while down for a few days, and now, well I’m back to that state that I usually function in. The one where I can and will do what I need and want to do, so get out of the way while I chase down whatever I’m going after.
This time, I feel a bit like it’s come complete with an “If you tell me I can’t, I will tell you to F off out the door.”
It’s a little combative, even though I’m not intentionally looking for a fight, but strangely, I feel good. At ease. Content maybe.
See, I’m one of those folks where I don’t think twice about going to bat for my friends. Hurt them, pick on them, kick them when they’re down, and I will jump to their defense without a second thought.
But if it’s me? I let it happen. I try to find all the reasons why I deserve it and justify the abuse.
And that’s pretty stupid. I should matter more than that and I do.
I do tend to remove myself from the situation when it gets to that point instead of just flat out confronting it, but even that doesn’t always solve anything.
So that’s where I am right now. Not exactly grumpy, but maybe a little fired up. I’m ready to bear tank whatever stupid crap (or people) life is going to throw at me. I’ve got my tanking claws on, let’s go.